Tuesday, May 28, 2013

My Dreams Contain Multitudes

A call:
A piercing, silent drawl
A cliff, black ocean depths, a dizzying fall
Cold terror, like chilly meat
That murderous feat 
Might live, might sleep
The gorgeous sun, as I weep
That golden ball, hangs
Just barely, hunger pangs
Sharpen with each ice cream cone
Throw on pajamas, bury the phone--
My dreams contain multitudes 

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Happy Pentecost: On The Flame of Incandescent Terror

The dove descending breaks the air
With flame of incandescent terror
Of which the tongues declare 
The one discharge from sin and error
The only hope, or else despair
Lies in the choice of pyre of pyre
To be redeemed from fire by fire.

Who then devised the torment? Love.
Love is the unfamiliar Name 
Behind the hands that wove
The intolerable shirt of flame
Which human power cannot remove
We only live, only suspire
Consumed by either fire or fire
"Little Gidding"-- T.S. Eliot

It's his Pentecost poem. Well, Pentecost is nearly over, I suppose, although I think you can celebrate any holiday in the church year anytime you like. I listen to my religious Christmas Pandora station year-round. And every time we recall Jesus' saving death and resurrection, we celebrate Good Friday and Easter
anew. Sundays themselves are said to be little Easters.
This poem points to the terror of Pentecost, something that gets glossed over by our calm, sleepy worship. The Holy Spirit "breaks" the air in "terror." Our ultimate fate depends upon the Holy Spirit-- our "only hope," demanding we choose "fire" or fire." Pentecost confronts us with a choice. Which fire do we choose-- the flames of the Spirit or the flames of hell? Either way, we are ultimately consumed.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

If Today Was Not An Endless Highway

As an English major and critical, occasionally cranky thinker, I think it's important to think about the language we use. Especially when talking about God and the spiritual life. Our language affects us in so many powerful, subconscious ways. Phrases and metaphors of unclarity or dubious truth need to be rejected or clarified. I'd like to suggest a metaphor frequently used by many, myself included, needs to be rethought: the idea of spirituality as a linear path.
The phrases "journey"; "farther"; "advanced"; and "path," in reference to the life of the soul, are probably not good. ("Journey" is okay as a verb, I think.) If the Christian life is a path, it is possible to easily compare spiritual maturity and say, Well, I'm farther down the path than you are. But spiritual growth just doesn't work that way. I might pray more than somebody else does. But that somebody might give more sacrificially to the needy than I do. Who's more spiritually advanced? I don't know. Did you factor in our different backgrounds and present challenges and blessings? I don't think anybody can answer these sorts of questions. We all pale before the radiant righteousness of Jesus Christ.
Generally people who use these path analogies aren't trying to compare people. But that language, especially in our hyper-competitive culture, makes comparison possible, at least in the back of our minds.
"Path" language also perpetuates the fallacy that God has one life plan picked out just for us. Unfortunately, the Bible never says, "I will be with you, and show you exactly what major, career, car, and sandwich to pick." Not to say God doesn't provide guidance. He does, all the time. But lots of times he doesn't, and we have no biblical evidence for saying God has specific destinies chosen for us. That's too easy. It eliminates the struggle that is faith, the intimacy of prayers, questions, and mistakes. But yes, I would love it if God had an itinerary for the rest of my years!
Driving along the interstate is boring, solitary, and uneventful. These are the implications of calling the Christian life a path, too. In reality, we are supposed to journey (remember, I said as a verb it's fine!) in community. And it's supposed to be overwhelmingly exciting! The exhilaration of bringing somebody one inch closer to Christ, the ecstasy of praise, the anguish of suffering beside people you love... Not boring. Not one bit. Okay, sometimes when you're waiting around for God that's boring, but I think it's better described as annoying, like when the person you're meeting is late and you're tapping your feet and wondering if they'll ever get here. Actually, normally I'm the person who is late. But I digress.
Today I heard a pretty good sermon about the Transfiguration. It talked about the mountains and valleys in life. I think those are good spiritual analogies, especially because they are biblical and intuitively correct. (A Wesleyan sermon, built from Scripture and experience!) But, if you read into these images the idea of a path-- determined, straight, perfect-- things get screwy. 
I think of all the times I've missed turns, doubled back, needed a detour. I'm not on a path. This is not an endless highway. I am going on to perfection, which is my destiny as a believer in Jesus, becoming holy as he is holy, fully reconciled to God, to the world, to myself, when he comes again. 

The Great Dane Gives Birth

Soren Kierkegaard was a pretty cool guy. Today I think he would be diagnosed with some kind of mental disorder. But aren't we all a little bit crazy?
He was a great philosopher and theologian in Denmark in the 1800s, I think. Good old Soren wrote piercing rebukes of the lukewarm European church, of the sinful, impotent "Christendom." Fascinating stuff. And he wrestled so hard with his God. His diary compels and terrifies in its descriptions of incalculable suffering. 
He wrote, "To love God and to be loved by God is to suffer." The depth of this truth grows clearer as I grow older. If loving God is easy, we aren't doing it properly. If we aren't second-guessing, pushing through hurts, crying for the pain of the world... we're doing it wrong. Of course, Soren is being very one-sided here. To love God is not constant suffering. If it were, nobody could bear it. The same God who draws us to the cross raises us from the dead, and tells us the good news ahead of time. 
I feel I've earned the right to call old Soren by his first name. I think I know him pretty well.
"If Christianity were truthfully presented as suffering, ever greater as one advances further in it:doubt would be disarmed, and in any case there would have been no opportunity for being superior-- where it would have been a matter of avoiding pain." Yes. Doubt is a nice word for what happens when the living sacrifice keeps trying to crawl off the altar. A lot of the time, anyway. 
"O my God, it was thou who didst hold thy hand over me so that in the long hours of anguish I should not become guilty of procuring an abortion," Soren says, and I almost chuckle at the image of him, dark-haired, skinny, in Victorian garb, pregnant. But birth is like the great drama of faith, and all of us are in labor, in some stage. He has the faith to praise God who held his hand through it all. 

Jehovah buried,Satan dead


"Jehovah buried,Satan dead" by e.e. cummings

Jehovah buried,Satan dead
do fearers worship Much and Quick;
badness not being felt as bad,
itself thinks goodness what is meek;
obey says toc,submit says tic
Eternity's a Five Year Plan:
if Joy with Pain shall hang in hock
who dares to call himself a man?

go dreamless knaves on Shadows fed,
your Harry's Tom,your Tom is Dick;
while Gadgets murder squawk and add,
the cult of Same is all the chic;
by instruments,both span and spic,
are justly measured Spic and Span:
to kiss the mike if Jew turn kike
who dares to call himself a man?

loudly for Truth have liars pled,
their heels for Freedom slaves will click;
where Boobs are holy,poets mad,
illustrious punks of Progress shriek;
when Souls are outlawed,Hearts are sick,
Hearts being sick,Minds nothing can:
if Hate's a game and Love's a F---*
who dares to call himself a man?

King Christ this world is all aleak;
and lifepreservers there are none:
and waves which only He may walk
Who dares to call Himself a man

*That was my own edit; didn’t want bad words on my blog

My current favorite poem. It belongs in a sermon, the kind like lightening and thunder and cool, torrential, saving rain I pray one day to preach.
“Jehovah buried,Satan dead” is such a pithy yet complete summary of the gospel. Old Awful Jehovah—awful in Rudolf Otto’s sense of the numinous, of the sacred which fascinates us yet terrifies us—is buried. Jesus is fully God and fully human, and for that eternal moment of Good Friday, buried. And on its heels, bursting forth, with no space for a comma: Satan is dead!
But we worship Much and Quick, slavishly devoted to our computers, iPhones, microwave cooking. We conflate status quo with obedience to God, and like Soviet comrades under a Five Year Plan remain tethered to the great oppressive machinery of productivity, of busyness, for things which are not God’s things.
This is what man does. Who, then, dares call himself a man?
If we call Jews “kikes,” and only one Jew can save us…
We are all liars screaming for truth.
All slaves to sin, as Paul says, too.
Hate is our game.
We shriek in the name of Progress, not the coming kingdom, the only progress that will ever matter or endure.
We equate love with a bad word starting with F, most commonly thought of as happening in bathrooms and couches during raucous frat parties. “Love” that begins with that big F only seeks its own pleasure, and happens not just in frat parties but everywhere opposed to the extravagant, healing grace of Jesus Christ.
So we are, to use the technical theological term, screwed.
Yes, I know, I’m very punny.

King Christ this world is all aleak;
and lifepreservers there are none:
and waves which only He may walk
Who dares to call Himself a man

We are wretched, broken, illustrious punks of Progress. But King Christ dared to call himself one of us. Fittingly, this is the only stanza of hope, and Jesus is our only hope, the only one who can cross the stormy waves, the Atlantic oceans in our hearts, between one another, between what we are and what we are meant to be.
Yes, one day I’d like to preach with e.e. cummings.